Day 36 Running in place

As I begin this post, Little Bean is in her bed singing to herself and saying, See you later Al-ligator, after while Croc-o-dile, see you soon Ba-boon, over and over again. Earlier she said Mommy I need to snuggle you. Once they are in bed I think of them with such adoration.

They can be so endearing, so absolutely precious. But today they were also so absolutely annoying. The whole day was like one big eye roll that I was trying to hide from them but they kept catching me…In the morning I tried to blame it on not having had caffeine, but it wasn’t that. All the coffee in the world couldn’t have made today our favorite day.

I got the feeling that they were actually kind of irritated most of the day too. The wind changed today, maybe they didn’t feel well? Maybe they miss pre-school. Maybe you can have a Monday during quarantine.

I don’t have anything insightful to say about this. I just wanted to share because I figure so many moms and dads are having the same experience.

In other news, it was pretty cold this morning and during my morning walk I decided to run up a hill. I am not a runner. But I felt like I just wanted to sweat or maybe I wanted it to burn a little or something…

So there I am running up this hill. It’s not a huge hill. I’m not all the way to the top and I really want to stop running. But I say to myself, Oh come on. It’s not that far, just keep going. Lately I have this feeling like, I have nothing to do, I have nothing to save my energy for, nothing to worry about if my muscles actually get sore. So just do it. And lately Just do it has taken on a whole new meaning. It’s like that meme going around that says Let’s just start pronouncing the L in Salmon because nothing really matters anymore.

There’s something about the idea that nothing really matters that is actually having the opposite effect. It’s bigger than not having anything to lose, it’s more about having everything to gain.

If nothing is certain then anything is possible. I mean for example: How bad would it be if I started running? Maybe I’ll come out of this quarantine a person who likes to run?

What I had to do to make it to the top of this hill was practically run in place. If I wanted to keep running I had to pretty much stop my forward motion. I learned this technique during a very short stint nearly 10 years ago when I decided I wanted to try jogging. A dear friend (Shan– this is you) told me to do this to build stamina. I should take tiny steps, she said, moving at the pace of an old lady, not to bounce so much, not to cover a lot of ground. She claimed that over time I would slowly build up my time and eventually my distance. In the two weeks I spent dedicated to this idea, I did increase my running time to like 20 minutes or maybe it was 10– well, whatever. Clearly I didn’t become a runner but I remembered her words of wisdom today and I ran all the way to the top of the hill.

It could be that this bizarre, quarantine time is like running in place. Stay focused: If you want to get to the top of the hill, it doesn’t matter (especially right now) how fast you get there.

Until tomorrow,

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