On day 36 I think I commented that it was getting difficult to keep track of the days now that they are no longer numbered. But now that we have an end date in sight, it’s gone the other way. It means we are staying home for one more month, but it also means we only have 25 more days of this freedom from a schedule. Freedom from packing bags and lunches and getting in and out of the car.
Today we visited friends for the first time in 10 or 11 weeks. This meant I had to pack the diaper bag, a task I’ve been free from in recent months and one that I have not missed. It’s simple enough: just pack everything you might need. See? Simple.
In the course of an hour or so I needed a complete change of clothes for both girls (which I hadn’t thought to pack because I am out of diaper bag packing practice) and I needed a bib which I also forgot. But at least I had diapers (makes sense since it is a diaper bag), coloring books and warm gloves (is it obvious I haven’t packed the bag since winter?) Luckily on these warm days little kids can run around naked in the sunshine while their clothes hang dry.
Still those are the kind of mom responsibilities that I haven’t missed. The more places you take your kids, the more chances you have to forget stuff. The more opportunity there is to feel like you’re not getting it right.
Of course I don’t take it to heart like I once did. Maybe I’ve had enough experience now to know that the real value of my mothering isn’t coming from whether or not I pack the perfect items for every outing. (But I’m not gonna lie, it does feel really good when I do get it right.)
Today was Father’s Day in Germany. Usually on this day, the Dad’s get together and do something. But since this is an odd year, being that there’s a pandemic and all, the holiday was low key.
The girls have both been moody lately but still there were these moments when the sun shone just right for Daddy and his girls. That’s really how life is whether it’s Father’s Day or not. These snap shots that you make in your mind and hope you’ll always feel in your heart. Little Bean is the perfect size to throw around and the giggles of delight that come from Daddy swinging her or throwing her up into the air are like a song that I hope will always be on replay in my mind. Big Sister can be more low key. She and Daddy rode bikes together and lounged out in the back yard for a while. It is these little memories frozen in time that make up our understanding of the fleeting moments of childhood.
And that’s what I mean. We have 25 days left to leisurely create, capture and appreciate these moments.
As the quarantine and hopefully the whole pandemic blows itself out, it’s become a little bit about doing everything I want to do with them before I run out of time and have to get back into trying to be on time and trying not to forget anything. That the ending is in sight gives me a reason for every day to be a special treat instead of every day to feel like an interminable, boring forever.
And you probably know what I’m going to say next. Life is already like that, our days are always numbered. We are always running out of time. That means there is always a reason to make today special.